One Night in an Unused AU
by Inspired Demon of Fiction
Summary: IM-ing crack!fic of fluffy!win. ONESHOT. Simm!Master/10thDoctor, implied Jack/10thDoctor, Rose/10thDoctor, Jack/Rose. Much OOC and some mildly graphic adult-type touching in the end.


**Title**:One Night in an Unused AU…

**Summary**: IM-ing crack!fic of fluffy!win. Simm!Master/10thDoctor, implied Jack/10thDoctor, Rose/10thDoctor, Jack/Rose. Much OOC and some mildly graphic adult-type touching in the end.

**Rating**: T

**Dislcaim-y waim-y:** I own nothing… blah blah blah… I abuse RTD's writing… blah blah blah… I make no profit… blah blah blah… BBC Wales should hire me anyway… blah blah blah…

**Warning:** SIGNIFICANT OOC. I tried SO hard to keep them in character while making this brilliant, and I think I might have almost succeeded on the Master, which was my real characterization focus, but then I lost on the Doctor, which is sad. All other characters are intentionally as OOC as I wrote them because I just didn't frakking care enough to bother making them more life-like and/or it's WAY funnier OOC.

Oh, and I guess implied fluff/sexy-time/adult content + mild fluff/sexy-time/adult content, as the politically correct put it. :D

**Author's Note:** I LOVE IM AU fics, OKAY?! If you have a problem with that, stop reading NOW. I think they are the most HILARIOUS things (in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD) and I've always wanted to do a really awesome one. This one was inspired by reading a series of cracky!fluffy-Doctor/Master fics. And rather than writing my own version of post-TLTL, I did this instead. As such, it is cracky, fluffy, Doctor/Master-y, and actually set whenever you like. Post-series 4 and pre-specials is probably best, but… honestly, whenever.

_*10.10 has signed in. 11:01pm*_

**10.10:** 'Allo? Anyone awake?

_*SAINNE has signed in. 11:02pm*_

**SAINNE****:** Evil never sleeps… so obviously _I'm_ awake.

**10.10****:** … and you are?

_*positivelycanine has signed in. 11:04pm*_

**positivelycanine**: wut iz up my brothers?

**10.10**: Okay… who are _you_? o_O

**SAINNE**: I'm with 10, who are you and how the hell did you find this place?

**positivelycanine**: im on the show, yo!

**10.10**: …

**SAINNE**: ….

**10.10**: …..

**SAINNE**: …… (copycat!)

**10.10**: :P – but really positivelycanine, who ARE you?

**positivelycanine**: yo! I _said_ I was on the show! u figur ti out!

**SAINNE**: … spell like that again, and I will decimate you over the internet (like that word, decimate :evil: )

**10.10**: Oh, no need for decimation SAINNE (btw, I see what you did there! :D), but the Rules do say that proper spelling is required at all times…

**SAINNE**: …under pain of decimation

**10.10**: Quit it!

_*Oldfwab has signed in. 11:12pm*_

**Oldfwab**: hi guys! 3

**10.10**: ROSE! :hug:

**SAINNE**: Rose?

**10.10**: You scrambled 'Bad Wolf' you trickster.

**Oldfwab**: Knew you'd figure it out! :hug: :hug: You can never have too many virtual hugs!

**10.10**: Never! :hug:

(In the real world, SAINNE was fuming and about to break his mouse by trying to throttle it like Oldfwab's throat)

**SAINNE**: hsbrdlfgjhbwejkf

**10.10**: SAINNE? Are you alright?

**SAINNE**: I'm fine… my head momentarily lost the will to continue reading about the two of you making doe eyes at each other and banged itself on the keyboard.

**Oldfwab**: You're just jealous. ;)

**SAINNE**: Jealous of internet hugs? I'd sooner be jealous of the Doctor's sonic screwdriver!

**10.10**: Oi! I love my sonic screwdriver!

**Oldfwab**: Oh, don't bother retaliating… (He is clearly jealous and doesn't want us to know it :giggle: )

**SAINNE**: You-!

**10.10**: :blink: …what?

**Oldfwab**: So, what's been going on then, aye?

**10.10**: Well, before you showed up, we were trying to figure out who everyone is…

**SAINNE**: Decimating positivelycanine…

**positivelycanine**: they's idiotz. don't no who I is…

**Oldfwab**: Hey K-9! :kiss:

**positivelycanine**: :tailwag:

**10.10**: O_O… … x.x I can't believe my dog is gangster :headdesk:

**SAINNE**: XD XD XD :evil:

_*positivelycanine has signed out.*_

**Oldfwab**: So, SAINNE… that leaves you, who are _you_?

**SAINNE**: :rolleyes: you have no idea who I am, Rose Tyler, but I know exactly who you are.

**Oldfwab**: Well, that certainly narrows it down… you're male… you have a thing for the Doctor… you don't like sonic screwdrivers…

_*CaptainJack has signed in. 11:29pm*_

**CaptainJack**: Hey guys, miss me?

**10.10**: Jack, the whole point of the username is NOT to give your real… oh, right, forgot.

**CaptainJack**: Thanks Doctor. And besides, as soon as we sign in we always try to figure out everyone's identity.

**Oldfwab**: JACK! 3

**CaptainJack**: Rose! :kiss:

**Oldfwab**: :blush:

**SAINNE**: Excuse me while I go throw up…

**CaptainJack**: What's made him such a sour-puss?

**Oldfwab**: He's gay for the Doctor and won't admit it.

**CaptainJack**: OOOOOOOOOOH! That could be fun! ;) :evil:

**10.10**: Jack… _behave_.

**CaptainJack**: Ah, come on Doctor! Bet I could lighten his mood :wink: .

**10.10**: _Jack._

**CaptainJack**: Oh alright Doctor… but if you reject him, at least let me have him on the rebound.

**10.10**: :sigh: Fine, whatever you like…

**CaptainJack**: YAY! :kiss: Promise you won't regret it!

**SAINNE**: Ugh… now I have the taste of half-digested tuna in my mouth… brilliant. You all were saying?

**CaptainJack**: As much as that stunning sensual image might put off some… (yuck!)

**Oldfwab**: Like me… ugh! Doctor, care to join me in a private chat for a minute?

**10.10**: :) Right behind you!

_*Oldfwab has signed out.*_

_*10.10 has signed out.*_

(In the real world SAINNE was now cursing the air blue because that had been HIS plan… to lure the Doctor into a private chat room, all to himself, and then…)

**CaptainJack**: … a little birdy told me that you might be after the Doctor's affection.

**SAINNE**: …

**CaptainJack**: Listen, it's a lost cause. You know the Doctor, he' s completely oblivious to _anyone_'s advances! If it weren't for Rose, I'd swear he was asexual.

**SAINNE**: You don't know the Doctor as well as you think.

**CaptainJack**: Hey, I'm in total support of you going at it. But, if it doesn't happen… we could go get drinks later tonight…

**SAINNE**: Are you asking me on a date?

**CaptainJack**: Possibly ;).

**SAINNE**: As lucky as you may be, Jack, you don't have any luck tonight. Or any other night with me, for that matter.

**CaptainJack**: Suit yourself. But, trust me, by the end of the night, you'll be wishing you'd taken my offer…

**SAINNE**: Is that a challenge…?

**CaptainJack**: Possibly… more of a bet, really.

**SAINNE**: And you'll lose. The stakes?

**CaptainJack**: Either you woo the Doctor by the end of the night…

**SAINNE**: Night in this time zone or night on the whole planet?

**CaptainJack**: THIS time zone, or you have to bed with me tonight.

**SAINNE**: And when I _win_, you must live a year of celibacy.

**CaptainJack**: Those are hardly fair stakes!

**SAINNE**: You're just scared I'll win.

**CaptainJack**: Fine, you're on.

**SAINNE**: :evil: Too easy...

_*10.10 has signed in. 11:46pm*_

_*Oldfwab has signed in. 11:46pm*_

**Oldfwab**: Thank you so much Doctor! :) :wink:

**10.10**: Oh, no problem Rose… :)

**CaptainJack**: Clock's ticking…

**Oldfwab**: So what have you boys been talking about?

**SAINNE**: Doctor, could I see you in that private chat room for a minute…?

**10.10**: Er… yeah, just a minute…

(The Doctor hurriedly erased the history of the chat room, couldn't have all THAT made public…)

_*SAINNE has signed out.*_

_*10.10 has signed out.*_

-

_Would you like to leave this chat room? Yes/No_

_You are now entering a private chat room, invited members only._

(SAINNE anxiously tapped a pattern out on his desk, waiting for the Doctor to say something.)

**10.10**: …SAINNE?

(There it was! Exactly what he needed, the Doctor's IP address, perfect! Plug that in and…)

"WAAAAAAAAAAH! Where am I?" the Doctor sat lying on the floor, chest heaving from shock.

SAINNE smiled, invisible in the dark, "Hello Doctor."

He could almost feel the Doctor's eyes widen, "That voice… you… you're…"

SAINNE crouched down next to him, unbearably close, "Say my name," he whispered.

"_Master_," but before the Doctor could take another breath, the Master pounced, almost literally. His mouth covered the Doctor's in a wild, demanding kiss that could only be described as… _masterful_.

"What're you…?" the Doctor gasped when the Master finally released him.

"Shh… _Doctor_," the Master pried open the Doctor's shirt, unwinding his tie, "I didn't bring you here to _talk_."

Dimly, the Master could see the Doctor's look of no less than affronted innocence. The Master cracked up, "Oh, I do love _that_ look…" and then with a hungry growl, he lunged at the Doctor's mouth with reckless abandon, clothes be damned.

And the already dark room faded into even deeper darkness…

-

At exactly 11:59pm, the computer signed itself back on as SAINNE. The Master himself was otherwise… _occupied_, which he had planned on, so the program was already set by the time the Doctor entered the private chat.

Captain Jack was waiting in the Torchwood hub, bottle of champagne ready to be opened when these words were typed…

**SAINNE**: I _win_, Jack. I win SEVERAL times over… enjoy celibacy. :evil:

-

_*Lolek has signed in. 12:01am*_

**Lolek**: EXTERMINATE! **EXTERMINATE!**

_This chat has been extermi-…_


End file.
